Lucas knows the air museum better than I do. He holds my hand and pulls me along to his favorite exhibits. Under Lake Michigan. Old Pensacola. The mock aircraft carrier. The moon display. And, of course, the Blue Angels. Each destination, though he has visited them many times, brings a glow of excitement to his face. He is filled with awe and wonder at the sight of the aircraft. Each one worn from years of soaring high. Now resting still under bright lights.
When I was a boy I used to dream about flying. I would watch Top Gun and wish I was piloting an f-14 Tomcat and buzzing the tower. I read a book about the Wright Brothers and thought about building my own bicycle, thinking this would somehow get me a step closer to flight. My wife had the same problem. She wanted to be the first female Blue Angel pilot.
Today I watch Star Trek and dream of boldly going where no man has gone before. I always grab the window seat when I fly commercially. I still watch the Blue Angels practice from my front lawn. I take photographs of tiny airplane models under glass.
I remember this time when I was in Central Florida. I bought a car in Tampa and was driving it back to Orlando down Interstate 4. Out of nowhere, a WWII era prop plane dashed over the busy road. I could have crashed the car the way I was straining to see it.
In the Bible, there is a book called Exodus that tells the story of Israel being held as slaves by Egypt. God performed many miracles through a man named Moses in order to set them free. From there, they traveled through the desert in search of a land that God had promised to them. Yet, no matter how many times God helped them on their journey, no matter how many miracles He performed, it seemed that they always lost sight of how powerful their God was. Few remained convinced that God would meet their needs.
Throughout Biblical history, the same story continues to repeat itself. God does something great and then His people forget it ever happened. Aldous Huxley said, "That men do not learn very much from the lessons of history is the most important of all the lessons of history."
Watching my son marvel at these works of aviation reminds me of how I felt as a kid. And though I will probably never fly a plane or land a spacecraft on some distant planet, I still have that feeling in my gut that there is something truly magical about flight. I hope I never lose the awe and wonder of a child watching the wheels of a plane separate from the Earth.
There is a Psalm, number 126, that says,
When the Lord brought back the captive ones of Zion,
We were like those who dream.
Then our mouth was filled with laughter
And our tongue with joyful shouting;
Then they said among the nations,
"The Lord has done great things for them."
The Lord has done great things for us;
We are glad.
Restore our captivity, O Lord, as the streams in the South. Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting. He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.
In the same way, I hope I never take for granted the awesome things that God has done. Like airplanes at rest, displayed under bright lights.
Lately I have been thinking about hearing from God. Growing up in a religious environment it was always explained that you needed to sit and be still then you could hear what God was trying to say to you. Trust me when I say that I spend a lot of time just sitting and listening. Even so, I haven't been able to make out exactly what God has been trying to tell me. A few days ago, however, a question popped into my head. Am I not able to hear God's voice or is he not saying what I want him to say?
This question caught me off guard because I knew the answer as soon as I asked it. I just didn't know what that meant for me and I still didn't know what God was trying to tell me.
Quick back story. A little over a year ago, I had a beer with a friend of mine that I had not seen in a while. We used to go to church together and he had left a job to start his own company. I wanted to know more about it. He started by reminded me about a silly worship song we used to play at our church called "Finding Who We Are". The verse began:
In You we're living
In You we're moving
In You we're finding who we are
He explained to me how that was his problem. His life had always lacked direction and focus. He didn't know exactly who he was. That's why he had started this company. He felt like this was closer to what God wanted for his life. Of course, I was excited for him and admired his decision. But that left me in a similar situation. Because I didn't know who I was.
So Alyson and I doubled down. Over that next year we left a church, I quit playing music, I almost left my job, on top of having our little girl, Kaede. I fasted for the first time ever which was quite an experience. We helped start a house church while watching another church die. Yet as much as I listened I never felt like I knew what God was doing to me. Confusion is an understatement.
Back to my original question. Was I just not hearing from God, or was He not giving me the answer I wanted Him to give?
A youth pastor I knew used to say this verse all the time to his teens.
Matthew 6:33 (NASB)
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
He used to explain how that verse is often translated as "Put God first and He will give you whatever you want." Then he would translate it a different way. "Put God first and He will give you everything that you never knew you wanted."
See, I think Christians have a problem. I think we use the Bible to try and tell God what to do. Like when a kid doesn't get what he/she wants and says to their father, "But you promised." I will let you imagine the exaggerated tone. We forget that when Jesus asked His disciples to give up everything and follow Him, what He meant was everything. That includes all the plans we had before he came along. When you follow Jesus, you can't just live out your life as if little has changed. Everything changes.
That brings me here. Another thing I think we Christians do is to imagine this Holy purpose that God has placed on our lives. We spend so much time trying to figure out what it is that we were meant for. And I agree. I think God has a purpose for all of us. But I have spent so much time trying to find my purpose that I forgot to listen to what God was trying to tell me. He was telling me to seek Him first. Make the desire of my heart Him. After that, then He would give me purpose.
I suppose that this works out differently for everyone. My friend who started his company has made quite a journey since then, and I envy him. As for me, the more I seek after God the more He seems to make me content with where I'm at in life. Things are going well and God seems to be giving me new opportunities that I was not looking for. Things I was running from. And I feel good about that.
I doubt I'll ever be one of those people who hears the audible voice of God Almighty bellowing from heaven. But I think the more I learn who God is the more i recognize His leading in my life. His voice in all of this.
Matthew 6:30-33 (The Message)
If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.
