Let me start with this: I used to go to a church. You may know what church I'm talking about, or you may think you know, but may I please emphasize how unimportant the name on the sign may be. Though my own experiences have shaped the outline of this story, the building itself is merely a footnote. The truth is, if you've gone to any church, then we may in fact share the same story.
Over the course of my life, I have been an active attendee of several churches. Although every church is different, they have a lot of similarities. A common opinion about churches is that they should function like a community or a family of sorts. Churches light up these words on signs just off the highway. They use them to identify to the world what it is they stand for. And often they are not too far off. When you frequent a place often enough, it is more than likely that you will form bonds with the people you see every week. And that's what I like about church. It ceases to be what you get out of it and becomes what you can pour into it. But that's a different story.
It has been awhile since I've been to this particular church, but I had an opportunity recently to speak with many of my friends who also used to attend. Visiting with old friends is like dreaming of a movie that you've already lived. It is a reimagining of what was and a reflection of how you came to be the person you are today. It is both refreshing to the soul and deeply painful to the heart. The perfect blend of joy and sadness. As friends often do, we spoke of things that are only interesting to those involved in the narrative. And as it goes with most of these encounters, you begin to wonder what happened to the others. There is a vibrant cast of supporting characters in each of our stories that fade into our memories.
I must refrain from the details. I do not wish to gossip, so for the sake of those who may think they know any of these individuals I will keep things as vague as I can. But some of the details are important to the narrative.
We told stories of extreme pain. Stories of our friends losing their grip on reality. Stories of people who were hurting and people who hurt others. It is amazing how much divorce is rampant in a place where relationships are held in the highest regard. Financial ruin, arrests, infidelity, and so on and so on.... Keep in mind, these are people that I used to see every week for years. People that I knew very well. People that I love. So it's hard to hear these stories. You want to pretend that they don't exist.
My friend Zach told my wife recently that some people decide to go back to their college town in hopes that they can relive the time they spent there. Or something like that. I think that is true with churches too. In a community, you don't just see people every so often. You are living your life out alongside them. Life is happening. When that life is no longer available, you long for it. We had something really special while at this church and I still miss it today. Knowing what we had there together and knowing how much things have changed for the worse is difficult to take in. It is the unfortunate reality of all relationships. But there is an exception.
The purpose of this writing is to illustrate where I think we often fail as a church community. You see, I've been witness to many people in very similar situations. When your life collapses, you need someone to keep you afloat. Often times, we Christians get a little too wrapped up in the sin of a situation. Or we think too much about the politics of how we respond. We sometimes make decisions with our gut or with a handbook rather than with our heart. I've made these mistakes and I still pay for them today. Even as I type these words I am faced with the reality of relationships that I crushed with my own actions. But I've learned a lot from those mistakes.
We all screw up from time to time. Some of us worse than others. Some much worse. But if Jesus is our example, we must remember to grab our friends by the arm and say, "I've been there." "I'm here for you." "I know you're hurting, but I'm not letting you go." We must remain one thing above all else: a community.
Not all stories end poorly. Many people have since left my old church and left for good reasons. It has changed for the better along with the worse. Some churches and some communities will shrivel and die in the face of adversity. But my old friends, along with the church we used to frequent, continue to persevere. That is the message of the gospel really. It is a story of redemption when there was no hope to be found. Regardless of how many people from that community are suffering today, new life awaits each one of them.
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